Easter is upon us friends! And in honor of Easter this Sunday, I wanted to put aside the candy to share something a little bit more personal about myself. So no, this is not a post where I give you tips on what dress or color to wear, or where to find the best day after Easter candy sales (Target obvi). It’s a little bit deeper, it’s personal and it’s uncomfortable, so I apologize in advance for the lengthy post.
As some of you may know, I have just one tattoo (for now lol). The tattoo I have is on my left inner wrist and says ‘it is well’, all lowercase and in typewriter font. I actually got this tattoo back in 2016, one year after I was baptized. To add a little backstory, I grew up in a Buddhist household and didn’t start going to church consistently until 2013. Two years later I decided to let go of all my fears and finally got baptized. I kid you not, one of my fears was just ruining my makeup in the water… Anyways the year following my baptism was, well pretty rough to say the least. It was a year full of fear and frustration.
One of my biggest fears with becoming a Christian was that my parents would find out. My parents are still pretty devout Buddhists, they practice the religion and go to the temple pretty regularly. So for the two years I went to church I never told my parents and just hoped that I would never have to. Until I made the decision to finally get baptized, as a declaration for myself and to my community. I remember right after my baptism I was feeling pretty excited and finally brave enough to finally share with just my mom first! But… it was probably one of the most discouraging moments of my life (not an exaggeration). To finally share this huge moment with my mom and have her deny it with a simple yet stern ‘No’. She told me no, that I couldn’t go to church or be a Christian, and she urged me not tell my dad of this news.
All I remember was feeling confused and sad, that I was being denied of sharing this joy in my life with the people I love most, my family. The following Sundays after that incident, my mom would text me every Sunday morning telling me not to go to church, that I wasn’t allowed to…but I did anyways. Then December hit and I vividly remember the moment my dad finally found out. I was at an appreciation night hosted by my church and my dad called me multiple times, which was unusual for him to not just leave a voicemail after the first unanswered call. But he kept calling until I finally picked up, and he pretty much just yelled my ear off telling me not to come home for Christmas if I still wanted to go to church. I still came home for Christmas that year, but my parents never spoke of that incident again. They said what they had to say and moved on as if nothing had ever happened… aka lots of awkward silences between us lol.
It was definitely a discouraging and frustrating time for me, but at the moment the best way I tried staying encouraged was through my community and worship songs. I remember being really obsessed with the song ‘It Is Well With My Soul’ by Bethel Music and one night tried to memorize the words to the song. What I actually came across was an old hymn written by Horatio Spafford and his amazing story. The hymn was written in the late 1800’s after Horatio lost his son to Scarlet fever and shortly after lost his remaining four daughters on a steamship while crossing the Atlantic. Still, after these tragedies he wrote this hymn declaring that our God was still good and that it was well with his soul.
This story pretty much shook me to my core. I knew that somehow, someway God would find his way through this mess…that if He found me in the depths of my darkest moments to call me home, He would make way for me even through this. Even as my mom still messages me and urges me to not go to church, it makes me want to love on her even more. To be whatever light and reflection of Christ I can be for my family, because His love transcends on and through me.
And after a year of discouraging messages and conversations, tense family gatherings, I got my first tattoo. Because throughout what seemed like the longest and toughest year I’ve had to date, God revealed more and more of himself to me. I can truly say that I have more peace and hope in what seemed to be a hopeless situation, no matter how hard it still is today.
So there it is! I got this tattoo as a reminder, that no matter what happens in life, good or bad, I can truly say that it is well.